Kalamazoo Nightlife Review: DayGlow

I don’t dance unless I’ve had three too many to drink on a particular night, but I went to Dayglow anyway because it seemed like it would offer a welcome respite from the Kalamazoo bar/club scene. I wasn’t sure of what to expect from “The World’s Largest Paint Party,” and all I had was YouTube videos of past events to use as a reference, so I did a little quick math in my head. I deduced that:

Electronic music+lights+large space+degenerate youth+(alcohol)^2+drugs+gimmick = unusually large shitshow
I tore the sleeves off of an old t-shirt, threw on a pair of basketball shorts, slipped on old shoes, then drove with a companion to Wings Stadium. I got there an hour early, which I think was 8PM, as I’d assumed that there would be a line stretching around the block to get in given the level of hype surrounding the event. I was one of the first people there. It then dawned on me that I was in Kalamazoo, where most kids don’t venture out at night lest they’ve each ingested a fifth or more of Smirnoff, Burnett’s, or Rich & Rare.
That said, I like getting to places a little earlier than the crowd because it affords me enough time to get a clear picture of a setting’s physical layout, which facilitates navigation in large crowds. Anyway, let’s move on…

It was easily the horniest party I’ve been to in a while. At least as horny as the time I walked in on a Korean orgy while on vacation in Rio. There was about an equal gender ratio and, unless you were really ugly, the majority of girls were willing to grind on just about any guy’s semi-erection the entire night. A few of them were also willing to exchange saliva and grab your genitals. There was a gradation of attractiveness and behavioral freakiness as you got closer to the stage, with the ugly, sedentary people in the back, and humans of normal appearance in the front. The exceptions were exhibitionist whores who danced in the back to make sure that somebody paid attention to them.
Every fifteen minutes or so, a machine would jizz paint on the dry-humping hordes below. I actually liked the paint because it had a cooling effect on your body. As you might imagine, even with little clothing on, dancing around hundreds of people indoors is like sitting around inside your car with the windows up in summertime.
There were drugs abound. More than a few joints were passed among Dayglowers, lots of crazed kids were clearly off MDMA, and I observed my fair share of coke-sniffing in the bathrooms. This was all in conjunction with the rest of the crowd who, needless to say, were drunk.
I remember sobering up about a half hour before the party ended, looking in 360 degrees at the manic mob before me, laughing, then walking out. That said, I enjoyed the parts of Dayglow I remembered.

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